Dating vs Courtship
It is a relevant question, in a society that pushes dating at such a young age. I believe it's important to step back from the pressures around you and take a good . Here's how to apply God's Word to dating, finding a spouse and getting married. The system today's young men and women have inherited for finding where he teaches a seminar on friendship, courtship and marriage. Dating vs Courtship. The following material is from a seminar presented by Brian Watts to parents and young people at the Langley Community Church in.
To belong to the Body of Christ is a wonderful privilege, enabling us to prepare our children for relationships in the world within secure boundaries. It is an extension of relating as brothers and sisters, and in a group context that can occur with absolute purity, as it did with Jesus. The antidote to loneliness is fellowship, not dating; the need is for friendship, not sexuality, The exclusiveness of romantic relationships precludes building friendships.
Dating substitutes sensual feelings for friendship, passion for honour and respect, foolish jesting for thankfulness, our pleasure for His business.
There is no commitment by either party to continue beyond the first date, and there may be others they would consider dating given the opportunity. They both know that. The main purpose of dating is to try out as many partners as possible in the process of looking for the perfect one.
Thus, by definition, breaking up is as common as dating itself.
There are more pop songs written about breaking up than pairing up. Dating becomes a preparation for handling divorce, not a preparation for building a permanent marriage. We were designed for sexual involvement with one partner, but we get used to the idea of rejecting and being rejected in the search for the perfect relationship. The more dates you have, the more the boundaries become blurred. Rejection becomes a way of life, and saying "I love you'' becomes meaningless. It is no more than saying, "At this moment in time, I find you sexually attractive.
If it doesn't work out, we can simply break it off. It provides no training for having to work it out for the long haul. It is practice in divorce at an early age. Dating builds insecurity into relationships.
Imagine a marriage without scars of rejection to overcome, with a partner you can trust, because you have not been spoiled by earlier partners who have proved untrustworthy. Imagine a relationship without having other faces in your mind and the comparisons that ensue against the spouse that God has given you.
Imagine having no pornographic images of Miss Universe with which to tarnish the beauty of the wife who is at your side. They only occur in marriage, or in anticipation of marriage.
God has created us to fit this biblical norm, and the romantic response is intended to come to its true fulfilment only in marriage. Recreational dating envisions a one-on-one relationship apart from marriage, but it should be no surprise when it leads to its intended climax - becoming one flesh.
God designed us that way! To try to survive exclusive relationships sexually unscathed is like fighting against the grain of creation. So how are we supposed to find a way to arrive at those exclusive relationships which prove to be marriages made in heaven? We must break out of the mould of our culture. The alternative to dating is not courtship Introduction The word about the inappropriateness of dating has got out, but I'm not entirely happy with the response - which is usually an attempt to adapt the system rather than discard it.
These attempts usually take one of two forms. Firstly, there is an attempt to take the risk out of it, so we talk about double-dating, where in reality peer supervision is no more and no less than peer pressure. Secondly, there is an attempt to put something substantial into it, so we tell our teenagers that dating is no longer possible, courtship is the way to go. Because of this misconception, we have actually made the problem worse. Knowing that they are not allowed to have casual friendships falling in and out of loveyoung people are led to believe that they can have exclusive relationships with the opposite sex through courting.
They can become as pre-occupied with courting as they can with dating, which is worse, because it has the added pressure of the seriousness of marriage. Teenagers do not need the frivolity of casual dating, nor do they need the intensity of serious courtship.
Courtship is not the alternative to dating. I believe in courtship, but courting is what a man and woman do in preparation for marriage. Courting is not what Christian teenagers do instead of dating. Courtship is essential in its proper place, but unessential for our young people as a contrived form of dating. What is the alternative? What should they be doing with their teenage years? It is a time for "Father's Business. Although we don't know much about what happened during his teenage years, we do know what his focus was.
Most teenagers see these years as a time for "my fun" but Jesus saw them as a time for his Father's business. We will never evidence a radical change in our young people until we are convinced that teenage years are not supposed to be years of care-free, independent, experimental, frivolous self-gratification.
They are to be years of training and preparation. Our culture has emphasized external fun more than internal preparation, the result is a generation that is both unhappy and unprepared. Teenage years are a time to lay a foundation and start to practise "being about Father's business," thereby discovering calling and destiny. It is to be a preparation for life. The preparation of young people for marriage is one of God's great purposes for the church. It is not accomplished by setting up a dating pattern that is built on the same sinful pattern as the world, except that it is practised between believers rather than unbelievers.
It is a time of preparation under parental supervision Consider again what we know about Jesus' teenage years. This is entirely consistent with the whole of the Bible.
The emphasis is on the father's responsibility, and the preparation under his supervision for the teenager to be able to become responsible. In Old Testament law, a father has particular responsibility for his daughters in the biblical pattern.
He was expected to be able to guarantee his daughter's virginity Deut If another man violates that by becoming sexually involved with his daughter, two things happen Deut 22;28,29the two should get married and the man must pay the father a dowry.
We can learn from this that there is no such thing as sex without responsibility. The principle is seen in the dowry system. In the Bible, the dowry is a demonstration of assuming financial responsibility. The man who has a sexual relationship with a girl has to marry her; he must assume responsibility for her and her children.
He cannot just walk away from it all. If he does, because he has had to pay a dowry, the father has money to provide alimony for his daughter's financial security. That would make a teenage boy think twice! But the issue is not primarily money, it is responsibility. The problem of our culture is not merely sexual immorality, it is also sexual irresponsibility. In a biblical pattern there is no escape from responsibility.
Teenage years are a preparation for responsibility, not for irresponsibility. To get married, there is going to be a dowry to pay and that dowry will require years of work!
When we see teenage years characterized by irresponsibility, we know we have missed the mark. Parental supervision is designed to train toward responsibility. It is a time of warfare Young people are built for warfare Ps 8: If he can destroy the preparation for marriage among teens and singles, he can destroy countless homes and families later on.
The foundations have been undermined. The flood tides of filth and sensual temptation are destroying future marriages before they even begin. The enemy can be resisted, however. Young people are built for war! To be a force against evil, we need to train an innocent generation. But people are afraid that our children will be naive and not know what's going on in the world.
That's how they are supposed to be! As soon as they know what's going on in the world they are seared by it, but when young people are distinctively pure they offer a powerful unique example. The time of one's youth provides the greatest opportunity, while carrying the least responsibilities, to damage the enemy's kingdom.
A Practical and Biblical Understanding of Dating and Courtship — Charisma Magazine
That is why the bible talks about singleness as a gift, and as a good gift at that. Teenage years preoccupied with dating are the worst of both worlds. There is the care of worrying about your partner or a succession of partners without the benefits of marriage, and there is no freedom to serve God without distraction either.
It is a time for prayer Teenagers should be praying for a husband or a wife, not a boyfriend or a girlfriend. So should their parents on their behalf, because finding a partner is a matter of faith, not striking lucky when playing the field. It does not necessarily require being part of a large crowd. For example, see Ruth 2: It is a time for teamwork One factor in high divorce rates is that couples build relationships on the basis of romance, not of working together.
Adam and Eve met and married in the context of work, hence the word "helpmeet. Sadly, too many young people learn to live for themselves and their own pleasure. They don't know how to work for the common good, to work as a team. They will take the same self-centredness into marriage because they do not know the fulfilment of accomplishing something together. The first place to learn teamwork is the family, then there comes the need for group projects such as team ministry.
Team ministry requires some external purpose, a reason for sacrifice. When that vision is clear, self-denial is possible and working together begins. It opens up the possibility of far greater success than we can achieve on our own, and it is the best context in which to build friendships rather than the modern preoccupation with talking about relationships.
When you focus on knowing one another, you become introverted.
Dating and Courtship
When you focus on a goal, you get to know one another. It is there where you learn to communicate, and then that you don't worry about what to talk about! And it will be all the more exciting and dynamic just because they have saved up so much of themselves to put into it. Ultimately, the marriage that results from such pure romance will be all the more beautiful and fulfilling for you — the reward of sacrificial loving and total self-giving.
Setting Goals for Life: So what are you wanting for yourself in life? What are you hoping to have in a marriage some day?Dating and Courtship Part 1 - Brother Burley Williams
What kind of relationship do you want to have with your future husband? What kind of man do you want to marry? What kind of woman do you want to be for that man? Take time now, while you are young, to pray about these things.
Set goals for yourself and commit yourself to achieving those goals. Enjoy the tremendous gift of singleness — in your life right now — by doing and experiencing the things that God has set before you to do and experience right now.
The Gift of Your Singleness: You will not likely be single forever — even if it feels that way now! If you are called to marriage, you will likely spend more time in your life married than single. Enjoy this brief interlude between childhood and adult responsibilities to learn and grow, to develop your talents and to experience all the blessings of your singleness.
Enjoy the wonderful virtue of friendship. Really allow the guys in your life to be friends and just friends — no pressure, no strings attached. Keep an emotional distance with guys that are friends, and safeguard your heart — for the heart of a girl so easily wants to give itself away.
Consecrating Yourself to Jesus: Entrust your heart to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Consecrate your life to Him now and ask Him to clothe you in purity that you might keep yourself entirely for your future husband. Trust that Jesus has a perfect plan for your life. Pray for your future husband now, that he too will be preserved in purity and grow in holiness and virtue as well. As you do this, you will find peace as you live out this time of singleness.
You will also discover all the wonderful joys God has in store for you right now. As this happens, you will learn to trust Him to provide for you the desires of your heart! I encourage you to pray and meditate often on Psalm I strongly encourage teenagers to reserve dating for a time in their life until they are ready to consider marriage.
At that time, only consider dating a person whom you would consider marrying. It just means — be fussy! God has placed in you certain desires that will help lead you to the right person whom He has chosen for you. If you go out on one or two dates with someone and you can see that there really is nothing there — step back. Maybe you are just supposed to be friends. Or, maybe romance will develop at a later time in life — even if you had thought the time was now.
When you begin dating, date without permanent commitment attached to it. Go out and enjoy an evening together. But when you are ready to take a relationship with someone to the next level — do it right. Enter into a formal courtship. Courtship is a time for discerning whether or not God is calling you to marriage with each other.
Courtship sets guidelines and limitations. Courtship gives you a framework to live out a pure and holy romance. It helps you to keep your head and your heart in line with each other. Get Spirit-filled content delivered right to your inbox! Click here to subscribe to our newsletter. Although the above three points are generalizations, they are true depictions of most cases regarding dating; its devastating results on the human soul cannot be fully measured!
Even worse, the double-mindedness that results from numerous sexual encounters with various people carries into future relationships and even marriage.
This is because of unhealthy soul ties that have been developed, increasing the chances one's marriage will end in adultery and divorce, which drags down children and creates generational curses due to family fragmentation. It is amazing that most churches and youth groups do not speak about this in their discipleship processes! Every pastor should have church guidelines that include boundaries for how their youth groups should be conducted.
Every youth pastor should be trained on the difference between the worldly concept of dating and the biblical concept of courtship. Dating is revolutionized if the following guidelines are followed: Dating should only take place in the context of having an accompanying chaperone with young couples.
Or, only group dating should be encouraged. Groups can go to a movie or have an outing, or go for dinner so that two people can sit together and get to know one another in the safety of other trusted believers. Dating should not be encouraged for anyone under a certain age. I would say at least 18 although others would say Dating should not involve any physical contact. Even something as harmless as a hug can lead to petting, which will then lead to a sexual encounter.
Youth groups should be taught that believers should not to commit themselves to anyone God hasn't clearly indicated will eventually be their spouse. This is the only way to avoid soul ties through sexual intimacy.
Also, parents, pastors, or trusted mature people should all be part of the process of discerning the will of God to counter the blindness that comes when feeling in love.
Youth should be taught to have greater criteria beyond physically attraction. They should be taught what to look for in a lifelong partner: People should be taught to back off and not run to a person to whom they are attracted.
This is to give themselves enough time to pray, seek counsel, and hear from God about the other person before they fall hopelessly in love and reach the point where their heart has already made a choice to be with the other person—whether it be the will of God or not!
Youth should make chastity vows before they enter high school. With these vows they should pledge to their parents before God they will not give their bodies over unless they are married to the other person. Courtship Although the Bible does not lay out specifics regarding courtship, since some of the biblical marriages were arranged by families for example, the Old Testament patriarch Isaac and his wife Rebecca were brought together supernaturally by God with the order of Abrahamwhen we piece together all the principles of Scripture we have a good plan for courtship.